Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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