I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize