I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
