I am in a vortex of obligation.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
