Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
