I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
