so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
