69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
