im six kinds of drunk right now
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
