those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
