Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Watching her eat just hurts me
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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