I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
