True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
