she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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