Sry I called you an 8
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
