i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
