She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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