he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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