he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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