no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
