U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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