I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
