Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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