He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
