Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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