Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
