And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
