I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
