i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
