Whod you bang
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You're like the curious george of whores
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
