Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Are my feet made of real feet?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
