I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
