That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
