we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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