I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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