So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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