I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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