you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
