we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
