I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
