He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
don't judge my taste in strippers
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
