I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
