What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
