And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
