Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
