Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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