Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
