just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
