I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
