Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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