I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
